Lord,
As You already know, I am an emotional, physical and (most damaging) spiritual wreck! I am at the end of me and mere men, for both have let me down so far that I fear I may never get up again!
I have been in such a spiritual battle for the past 3 years of my life and to be honest I have not been seizing the victory that Christ already won for me. I'm saddened and sorry, Jesus. I let the circumstances of my life put a big huge gaping hole between me (my temporal circumstances) and the truth of my Savior and what He did for me (my eternal circumstances). Also, I am trying to learn that this is not about what He didn't do to others for hurting me, we have all hurt someone, but rather where and who do I go to for the healing, nurturing and comfort I so desperately need!
I have no doubt that Jesus, my truest closest friend, sees, knows and even orchestrated the events of my life in the past 3 years (reasons not yet understood) and He would agree that they have been some pretty hard losses and burdens to bear. My problem has been in not just thinking I am alone through this, but in also conducting myself as if I am alone, indeed. But, I am not alone! And, how lonely that must make Him feel to be there the entire time with arms wide open waiting for me to run to Him instead of running further and further away from Him!
Jesus, I am in awe of how You love me... it is not a love that always makes me more comfortable here on earth, but it is a love that already knew exactly how and when I would need it.
Thank You for loving me through my yucky dark stuff, but of course, that's who You are and what You do! Keep drawing my heart back to You, Lord, for that is where I truly belong.
I love You Jesus, because You first loved me and did MANY things to prove that love. ~
Talking with God can be as satisfying as talking to your best friend...I decided I would rather spend time talking real life conversations with God than wasted hours of meaningless prayer. This blog will share some of those conversations and hopefully inspire others to have their own Conversations With God!
Praying is talking to God with your heart
Open your heart and let Him in.
Showing posts with label lonely. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lonely. Show all posts
Saturday, February 22, 2020
Thursday, February 11, 2016
How Did This Happen?
This post was started a few days ago and I've had some better days since then, but I decided to post it anyway because this blog is about talks with God - good, bad or otherwise!
It's 4:40 in the morning, I can't sleep, again! I'm sitting here asking myself how did I get so far away from God and His goodness? How did this happen?
God, I'm in spiritual trouble!
I don't even know what to say, what to pray or what to do!
I feel lost and lonely.
I have managed to alienate most of my family and loved ones so, these days, being in a room full of people is just about the loneliest thing I encounter. I have no church home so any spiritual growth comes from TBN and trying to read God's word at home in my room (alone).
My heart is sinking God, surely there's more to Your plan for me than this!? I literally cannot stand who or where I am right now, and I need help!
Help me, Abba...
So much of my struggle is with this physical pain and sickness and I have no idea how to get the help I need other than what I'm already doing and it is slow, painful and so far no success- at least where any significant relief from the pain is concerned. And then, the worst part is the struggle with the spiritual pain.
It seems as though I have been on the front lines of this spiritual battle for a very long time (3yrs) now and I can't keep going on like this!
Father, please help Your daughter, I am so weary and I need Your rest.
* 1Thessalonians 5:24 Amp. "Faithful is He Who is calling you [to Himself] and utterly trustworthy, and He will also do it [fulfill His call by hallowing and keeping you]."
Oh, I desperately want to cling to these words of truth! I will desperately cling to theses words, they are hope for my heart.
I made the mistake of putting too much of my trust, hope and future into people, the system, a program, the church, a doctor etc.. These are all good, but not where total trust is given or even expected. Jesus has shown me that only He holds total trust, to give it and receive it. Just like the verse says, faithful and utterly trustworthy are You! It is I who keeps forgetting that.
When I say that I feel lost and lonely, I hear You telling me Lord, that You felt that way too as You carried Your cross to the place where You would die for my lost and lonely soul. You never leave me, You always abide in me, so if I am lost and lonely then it can only mean that I am not abiding in You. That is a very sobering truth!
I feel the Holy Spirit reminding me that, yes, God can and does come down and touch thousands of people all at once, but He also can and does come down and touch one lonely and hurting heart of one of His precious daughter's. So whether I am in a room full of people and still so lonely it hurts or whether I am in a room all alone - I have Him, ALWAYS!
I know God, that You have not ever left me, no, not once! It is I, who has abandoned You!
And, I now know, that is exactly how this slipping away from You and Your goodness did happen!
It's 4:40 in the morning, I can't sleep, again! I'm sitting here asking myself how did I get so far away from God and His goodness? How did this happen?
God, I'm in spiritual trouble!
I don't even know what to say, what to pray or what to do!
I feel lost and lonely.
I have managed to alienate most of my family and loved ones so, these days, being in a room full of people is just about the loneliest thing I encounter. I have no church home so any spiritual growth comes from TBN and trying to read God's word at home in my room (alone).
My heart is sinking God, surely there's more to Your plan for me than this!? I literally cannot stand who or where I am right now, and I need help!
Help me, Abba...
So much of my struggle is with this physical pain and sickness and I have no idea how to get the help I need other than what I'm already doing and it is slow, painful and so far no success- at least where any significant relief from the pain is concerned. And then, the worst part is the struggle with the spiritual pain.
It seems as though I have been on the front lines of this spiritual battle for a very long time (3yrs) now and I can't keep going on like this!
Father, please help Your daughter, I am so weary and I need Your rest.
* 1Thessalonians 5:24 Amp. "Faithful is He Who is calling you [to Himself] and utterly trustworthy, and He will also do it [fulfill His call by hallowing and keeping you]."
Oh, I desperately want to cling to these words of truth! I will desperately cling to theses words, they are hope for my heart.
I made the mistake of putting too much of my trust, hope and future into people, the system, a program, the church, a doctor etc.. These are all good, but not where total trust is given or even expected. Jesus has shown me that only He holds total trust, to give it and receive it. Just like the verse says, faithful and utterly trustworthy are You! It is I who keeps forgetting that.
When I say that I feel lost and lonely, I hear You telling me Lord, that You felt that way too as You carried Your cross to the place where You would die for my lost and lonely soul. You never leave me, You always abide in me, so if I am lost and lonely then it can only mean that I am not abiding in You. That is a very sobering truth!
I feel the Holy Spirit reminding me that, yes, God can and does come down and touch thousands of people all at once, but He also can and does come down and touch one lonely and hurting heart of one of His precious daughter's. So whether I am in a room full of people and still so lonely it hurts or whether I am in a room all alone - I have Him, ALWAYS!
I know God, that You have not ever left me, no, not once! It is I, who has abandoned You!
And, I now know, that is exactly how this slipping away from You and Your goodness did happen!
~
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